Use precise geolocation data. Select personalised content. Create a personalised content profile. Measure ad performance. Select basic ads. Create a personalised ads profile. Select personalised ads. Apply market research to generate audience insights. Measure content performance. Develop and improve products. List of Partners vendors. An affair is a romantic and emotionally intense relationship with someone other than your spouse or partner. Generally, affairs do not last long though there are exceptions and occur between two people who are not married or otherwise committed to one another.
Sex may or may not be involved in an affair, and cyber affairs can happen between two people who may never even meet one another. Typically, an affair is considered a betrayal of trust. It has the ability to cause significant distress in relationships and there are many reasons why people cheat on their partners.
Affairs are commonly referred to as "adultery" among married couples and "infidelity" among common-law spouses, same-sex couples , and other committed partners. An affair can go by other names as well, depending on the type of affair involved.
What's importantnis that your definition of an affair is what matters most. An extensive list of References and Resources is provided below. Infidelity, contrary to what most people assume, is neither rare nor exclusively male behavior nor is it certain to end the marriage.
Infidelity has become an equal opportunity sphere. Even more bad news is that Internet or online affairs have become extremely prevalent and, some claim, pose one of the biggest threats to modern marriage. The good news is that extramarital affairs are survivable and marriages can even grow stronger when members of the couple deal constructively with the affair by facing it, apologizing and ultimately forgiving or by simply accepting it.
The marital infidelities of many famous people have been dealt with publicly. These include presidents, such as Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Actors and actresses have long provided endless material to the tabloids on affairs and infidelity.
Long before our modern era, infidelity was a recurrent element in literature and art. History is laced with accounts of faithlessness. The Ten Commandments devotes a specific commandment to it.
Thou shalt not commit adultery. King David had an affair with Bathsheba. Anthropologist Margaret Mead once suggested that monogamy is the most difficult of all human marital arrangements. Similarly, many anthropologists have repeatedly claimed that Homo sapiens throughout its evolution, like most animals, has not been naturally monogamous.
This has made it very difficult to comply with the Western-Judeo-Christian proscription. And adults? With the introduction of the Internet, the definitions of affairs or infidelity become more elusive and complex. The common belief is that affairs are about sex but, in fact, affairs are most often about secrecy, sexual attraction and sexual activities. Infidelity is essentially disloyalty or unfaithfulness to a sexual partner in what was supposed to be a sexually exclusive relationship.
Secret sexual or intimate online relationships constitute an affair even when they involve neither actual intercourse nor oral sex nor actual physical contact. Adultery, unlike infidelity or affair, is a legal and biblical term.
The literature about affairs has struggled to differentiate between platonic friendships and emotional affairs. While sexuality is not the determining factor in such differentiation, the issue of faithfulness, exclusion, deception and betrayal are.
Similarly, there is some confusion between infidelity, an affair and extramarital sexuality. Many couples in many cultures seem to accept infidelity as part of the culture and unavoidable aspect of marriage.
These couples do not face a crisis when the infidelity is exposed. Another example is a man who discovers his homosexuality in the later part of his marriage and comes to an agreement with his wife that they will stay married but both will pursue extramarital sexual relationships.
In this example, extramarital sexual relationships are neither associated with betrayal or unfaithfulness nor do they involve deceit and secrecy. During their professional careers, most marriage and couples psychotherapists have dealt with marital crises brought about by affairs. While extramarital affairs are very common, couples psychotherapists are often uninformed about how to address the infidelity crisis. The professional literature in the last couple of decades has provided increasingly helpful information and assistance to therapists by presenting statistics and data, mapping the complexities of marital infidelity and articulating helpful models to assist couples through the crisis.
Many authors in this area ground their work in Systems Theory, Family Systems, sex research, personality theory and Social Psychology. They also adopt theories and research generated by sociologists, anthropologists and evolutionary psychologists. However, some authors adopt a moralistic and rigid view of affairs. The latter approach may be more harming than helping for couples in crisis as it often focuses on one-sided blame to the exclusion of the marital, sociological, evolutionary and technological i.
Internet roots of modern affairs. Another major misperception among lay people and psychotherapists is that extramarital relationships are never consensual and are always harming to the marital relationships. Some couples have reached a consensus regarding extramarital sexual relationships, as is the case when one partner has decided to pursue gay relationships with the consent of the partner. Consent to extramarital sexual relationships can be passive or active; it can implicit or explicit.
This paper emphasizes the importance of understanding the nature and context of each affair and each couple so that healing and resolution can be achieved. Following are some of the most common myths or faulty beliefs about extramarital affairs and infidelity Research findings debunking these myths are presented in the next section and throughout this paper :.
Following are some basics facts about marital affairs and infidelity that often contradict and debunk the above myths:.
Top of Page. Researchers, psychologists, anthropologists and clinicians significantly differ in their approaches to dealing with infidelity. Their views on infidelity effect their rationales for the causes and significantly color their proposed solutions. The different approaches are not mutually exclusive and, except for 2, the moralistic view, complement each other. Following are brief descriptions of the different approaches to marital affairs.
They shy away from blame and focus on issues of intimacy, communication, expectations, agreements and conflict management in the marriage. They look carefully at the familial legacy of each partner and pay attention to the phases of the marriage, i. This approach contends that strengthening the marriage and increasing the quality of communication and intimacy can reduce the chance of infidelity.
This approach also views the infidelity crisis as an opportunity for individual growth and a chance for strengthening and solidifying the marriage. The systems view also takes into consideration that the affair may serve the supposedly betrayed spouse. Some partners may even encourage the spouse to have an affair, as is the case with gay spouses who wish to avoid sexual entreaties from their partners by encouraging them to instead satisfy their sexual needs with others.
The Moral-Puritan View: Affairs, in this view, are seen as primarily individual, sinful and immoral acts of betrayal and therefore are likely to irreversibly damage marriages unless the betrayer fully confesses, repents and atones. Authors and therapists who take this puritanical-moralistic, often religiously based, position, generally view the betrayed partner as an innocent victim and put almost exclusive emphasis on the spiritual, emotional and relational rehabilitation of the betrayer.
It also attends to issues, such as middle-aged crisis, and often does emphasize marital discord as a significant causal factor in the affair. Cultural View: Affairs, in this view, are not seen as inherently pathological but are a quite normal and even a healthy part of marriage with some people or certain classes in certain cultures.
Along these lines, the anthropological view also cites the Middle Eastern harem and many polygamous cultures as examples of cultures where multiple or extramarital partners are an accepted and normal practice, especially and often only for men. Monogamy in the animal kingdom is so rare that those romantic Hallmark cards with pictures of swans or other types of lovebirds should more accurately feature the flatworm. To a degree, on the other side of the debate is anthropologist Dr.
Modern Culture and Media as a Promotional Culprit of Infidelity Affairs, in this view, are seen as a result of a permissive, modern, mass media culture that subtlety promotes affairs in the same way as it promotes violence. We live in a society that is preoccupied with sex and commercializes this sexuality in any way and form possible.
The Internet and its booming pornographic and sexual businesses have probably contributed not only to an epidemic of online affairs but also to real life affairs, as well. Affairs come in different formats. Not all affairs are the same: they serve different purposes, are carried on by different types of people, fueled by a variety of motivations and having different impacts.
One of the most apparent weaknesses in infidelity research and scholarly writing is the lack of differentiation between types of affairs. This has often lead to inaccurate, misleading and unhelpful generalizations or stat averages regarding the nature, implications and what constitutes effective intervention with affairs.
Understanding the individual, biographical, familial, marital and cultural-anthropological etiology of affairs is crucial to planning effective intervention. The types described below are neither always mutually exclusive nor presented in order of importance or frequency. Conflict Avoidance Affairs: Men or women who go to any lengths to avoid any and all marital conflicts sometimes resort to affairs to have their needs, which were not expressed to their spouses, met.
This type of affair usually does not last long and may repeat itself several times during the marriage. The affair serves as an emotional-relational barrier in the marriage.
This type of affair also usually does not last long and may repeat itself several times during the marriage. When both members of the couple are intimacy avoiders, this type affair can, in fact, help some couples sustain an emotionally distant marriage.
Individual Existential or Developmental Based Affair: Middle-age crises, empty nest, depression, sense of emptiness are factors that can fuel an affair. A partner may turn to an extramarital affair as a way to affirm their sense of masculinity or femininity. Sexual Addiction Affairs: Sexual addicts, like any addicts, are compulsive and display poor impulse control. Generally, among married couples, men are sexual addicts more often than women.
Sexual addicts are compulsively attracted to the high and the anxiety release of sexual orgasm. But such release often comes with a price — feelings of shame and worthlessness. Accidental-Brief Affairs: This type of affair is neither planned nor characteristic of the person. Curiosity, pity, drunkenness, and even politeness may lead to such a brief and often never to be repeated affair. Narcissistic and impulsive individuals may be especially prone to marital infidelity.
Philanderers perceive extramarital sex as an entitlement of gender or status and often take advantage of opportunities without guilt or withdrawal symptoms. This may be payback for the other person having an affair, withholding money, love, emotion or any another perceived wrongdoing. Bad Marriage Affairs: This kind of affair is a direct result of a bad marriage with poor communication, intimacy, support or sexuality.
It can also arise from incompatible cultural and familial values. Dissatisfied spouses who experience their partners as emotionally or sexually withholding or view their partners as easily sexualizing others or as moody are especially vulnerable to affairs. This can be a conscious or unconscious act intended to ensure that a backup relationship is in place before leaving the original marriage.
The left-partner often blames the affair rather than looking at how their marriage got to this point. Parallel Lives Affairs: These kinds of affairs include those who are involved in long term extramarital relationships while continuing to be part of the original marital dyad. Such extramarital relationships are often known, accepted or tolerated by the spouse and other family members but are neither addressed nor talked about.
Online Affairs: Online affairs have become extremely prevalent since the inception of the Internet and the proliferation of online dating, chatrooms and pornography. Some have argued that online affairs pose the biggest threat to modern marriage since women entered the work force. Hundreds of thousands of web sites are primarily or exclusively designed to promote and financially benefit from pornography and eroticism and their frequent derivative, online affairs.
Online affairs may include watching partners online on video, communication via Instant Messaging, chatrooms, simple emails or via the telephone.
Online affairs can be even more disruptive than any other form of affair because it can take place any time of the day or night and often takes place in the family home. The fact that there is no actual physical contact during the sexual act often intensifies the relationship and increases its potential to be highly disruptive to the individual and the family. The frequency of this form of affair is likely to increase as the Internet grows and intrudes upon more aspects of personal and emotional lives.
Consensual Extramarital Sexual Relationships: Sometimes the extramarital relationships are explicitly incorporated into the marriage life. Many couples in many cultures seem to accept infidelity as part of their marriage. An example of a consensual extramarital affair is the case when one spouse discovers later on in the marriage that they are gay but the couple decide to stay married for reasons that range from deep care and love for each other, children or taxes.
In such a case, the couple may decide to preserve the marriage and that each person may pursue extramarital sexual relationships. Emotional vs. Sexual: Some authors have differentiated between emotional vs. The prediction is that before long they will initiate affairs as frequently as men.
Research on gender differences in infidelity shows that the first few years of marriage are clearly a red zone. It reveals two distinct patterns in the timing of affairs. Men have two high-risk phases, one during the first five years of marriage and again, after the 20th year.
However in modern western cultures, the discovery of an affair often leads to a marital crisis. The literature about the crisis of affairs seems to consistently indicate that couples go through certain quite predictable phases in dealing with affairs.
Following are the descriptions of certain phases that many couples go through when dealing with the crisis of a marital affair. Initial Dealing with the Affair General Description:. Sometimes friends of those who have had affairs and have ended up being part of the cover up or in other roles, also report distress in therapy. Regardless of how the affair is introduced in therapy, therapists must attend to the following important issues:.
Seeing affairs ONLY as a personal failure of you or your spouse or your particular marriage inevitably leads to personal blame, personal shame, wounded pride, and almost universal feelings of devastation. Self-help strategies alone seldom bring full recovery from this experience, either as a couple or individually.
Recovery depends on getting beyond our strictly personal view of affairs and gaining an understanding of them within a broader framework. Skip to content New Customer? Search for:. CE Courses by Subject. Required Courses. View by CE Credit Hours.
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Learning objectives Describe the framework of addiction and how it impacts the couple system. New Customer? Introduction Infidelity, contrary to what most people assume, is neither rare nor exclusively male behavior nor is it certain to end the marriage. Infidelity Myths Following are some of the most common myths or faulty beliefs about extramarital affairs and infidelity Research findings debunking these myths are presented in the next section and throughout this paper : An affair inevitably destroys the marriage.
Human beings are naturally monogamous. Monogamy is the norm in our society and most other societies. Society, as a whole, supports monogamy.
Men initiate almost all affairs. An affair always means there are serious problems in the marriage. Infidelity is a sign that sex is missing or unsatisfactory at home. Women are more likely to have an affair because they feel unhappy in their marriages while men, on the other hand, will do it just for sex.
Telling all the details of the affair to the betrayed spouse will help heal the marriage. Affairs should always be disclosed to the un-involved partner regardless of the potential for domestic violence or even murder when such disclosure take place. Men are more concerned about their romantic partners having passionate sex with someone else, while women are more concerned that their partners are falling-in-love with someone else. Most people are monogamous, so an affair indicates a moral failure, character deficiency and a failure of the marriage.
People generally seek in an affair what they do not get at home from their spouse. Concerns about AIDS will reduce the frequency of affairs. Marital sex is always safe sex.
Internet sex and Internet infidelity are not considered extramarital affairs. Extramarital affairs are never consensual. Top of Page Infidelity Facts Following are some basics facts about marital affairs and infidelity that often contradict and debunk the above myths: Most couples survive the affair rather than end up in divorce. Many couples, in fact, come out of the infidelity crises stronger and more committed. Society gives lip service to monogamy, but actually supports affairs through role-models, advertisements, TV, news media, literature and the movies.
Infidelity is an equal opportunity issue that cuts across gender lines, educational levels, sexual orientation, social and economic class and culture. I was quite shaken when I started to find Michael attractive. Stephen is quite a flirt himself and the odd little bit of jealousy never did me any harm, and tended to respark my interest in my husband.
This was different. For the first time since we got married, I could imagine myself having an affair and at first it made me uncomfortable. I started plotting how we could do it and never get found out, and almost convinced myself that I was just being academic about it.
Then we all got quite drunk at a party and Michael and I really started flirting. I thought life would go back to normal the next day and it did in front of Stephen and Jane, but we had a completely different relationship when we were alone.
We started talking dirty. Ever been unfaithful? Ever thought of it? But I got a bad shock when he sent me a filthy text one night. Do long-term affairs mean love? It is not possible to sustain long-term affairs if there is no love or emotional bonding that we also call emotional infidelity. People do fall in love when they are in long-term affairs. An affair can be good for a marriage when spouses are ready to look inwards and see what lacks in the marriage that led to the affair. If they get back together and start working on the marriage an affair can be good for a marriage.
It is possible for men to be in love with more than one woman at the same time, because no two women are the same. A friend recently told me that when a man in a relationship finds himself in love with another woman, he is falling into a trap of emotional infidelity.
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